Oh dear, have I really turned into the
sourest of old pusses or am I finally able to recognize a turd when I
smell one? I am speaking, of course, about the abominable "Mary Poppins
Returns", the most shameless example of the money-grabbing exploitation
of small children and their gullible parents since Uncle Walt was a wee
Disney or Mickey, a very small mouse. Like most of the rest of the
world, I loved the original, a fairytale musical of the first rank, full
of great songs, sprightly dances and, of course, Julie Andrews, who
chirped her way into our hearts and walked off with an Oscar; a fair
lady, indeed. Not content to leave well enough alone they turned it into
a stage show but left the plot, songs and dances mostly intact. Now
those dorks at Disney, (I notice Walt's name is no longer on the
credits), have decided to cash in and resurrect the old girl, (no, they
had the decency not to cast an 84 year old Julie Andrews as an ancient
Mary), giving us instead a game but less than memorable Emily Blunt, who
can't really sing, (but given the dreadful songs is that really a
problem), and instead of an American-Cockney chimney-sweep we get an
American-Cockney lamp-lighter or 'learie', (the gifted Lin-Manuel
Miranda, totally wasted).
Almost everything else is as it was but
without the charm. The Banks children have grown up into a
dull-as-dishwater Ben Whishaw and a good-natured Emily Mortimer and they
are about to have their house repossessed by nasty Colin Firth at the
bank. Ben's a widower so Mary comes to save him, the house and Ben's
three children. Business as usual then. It's still a musical but there
isn't a good song to be heard. Instead, we get 'guest appearances'. Is
Meryl so down on her uppers that she has to appear in such drivel as
this? Finally, a 93 year old Dick Van Dyke reappears, now cast as the
nice man in charge of the bank. Either Dick is the fittest 93 year old
on the planet or his legs are the year's best special effects. Oh yes,
and finally finally a 93 year old Angela Lansbury pops up, not to sing a
reprise of 'Feed the Birds' but as a singing balloon lady. Very small
children, (particularly if they haven't seen the original), might enjoy
it but everyone else should avoid it like the plague. P.L. Travers must
be revolving in her grave.
Oh dear, have I really turned into the
sourest of old pusses or am I finally able to recognize a turd when I
smell one? I am speaking, of course, about the abominable "Mary Poppins
Returns", the most shameless example of the money-grabbing exploitation
of small children and their gullible parents since Uncle Walt was a wee
Disney or Mickey, a very small mouse. Like most of the rest of the
world, I loved the original, a fairytale musical of the first rank, full
of great songs, sprightly dances and, of course, Julie Andrews, who
chirped her way into our hearts and walked off with an Oscar; a fair
lady, indeed. Not content to leave well enough alone they turned it into
a stage show but left the plot, songs and dances mostly intact. Now
those dorks at Disney, (I notice Walt's name is no longer on the
credits), have decided to cash in and resurrect the old girl, (no, they
had the decency not to cast an 84 year old Julie Andrews as an ancient
Mary), giving us instead a game but less than memorable Emily Blunt, who
can't really sing, (but given the dreadful songs is that really a
problem), and instead of an American-Cockney chimney-sweep we get an
American-Cockney lamp-lighter or 'learie', (the gifted Lin-Manuel
Miranda, totally wasted).
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